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A slug is a small mollusk resembling a land snail but without the obvious exterior shell. It occurred to me, as I surveyed my garden path this morning, that the slug bears more than a passing resemblance to the average politician. Ergo slug number one leaves a slimy trail, which slug number two follows and so on down the slippery slope. Have you ever caught a slug in action? No! Generally, you wake up and they are just there. You don’t know where they came from and you didn’t invite them, but there they are blighting the lettuces of your life – and all wearing the same greasy expression.

When attacked, the slug contracts, making their bodies harder and more compact, which in turn allows them to become more tenaciously attached to a surface; combine this action, with their slippery, unpleasant tasting mucus, and the similarity twixt slug and ‘statesperson’ is striking.

Garden slugs, of course, don’t get the same perks, pensions and superannuation as pollies do. This week, I caught footage of three of ’em emerging from an upmarket Chinese eatery, where a spring rolls and Peking duck appeared to be the priority of the day. All three specimens demonstrated zero awareness that out amongst the electorate there may be those living in poverty, to whom a five-course meal served to three ‘fat cats’ represented an obscenity.

That we, as voters, have entrusted our futures (and our children’s futures) to such unsavoury creatures beggars belief. Who voted for whom? One has only to examine the amount of furtive legislation passing through parliament as ‘other measures’ or amendments, to realize that the ideal of a democratic government “for the people” is pure bunkum.

Service to humanity, common decency, honour, truth, loyalty – that’s for suckers, not politicians. In politics it’s all about control of the masses, business, greed, sleight of hand, spin and downright deception. Where does that leave us common folk? With a serious slug problem.

Who was it said that the only person who went into Parliament with an honourable intention was Guy Fawkes?

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